How To Obey Your Dom In Bed

If you have come to the inevitable conclusion that you are a subservient, then you likely have a complementary Dominant in your life.  When the true synergy which is Dom/sub is in full swing, the experience can and should be completely satisfying and freeing for both.  For a submissive, there is a tremendous amount of freedom and satisfaction in serving. Yes, and obeying their Dominant.  For the Dominant, there is equal amounts of pleasure and satisfaction in having their subservient obey their every command.

How Do I Know If I’m submissive?

It is important to note that these articles are not meant as Dom/sub “role playing” exercises.  These articles are geared towards those who have truly analyzed their sexual identities as Dominant or submissive.  It is possible for a more “vanilla” (and I use that term as a general one) couple to employ some of the notions provided in these articles. After all terms and possible situations have been explored and a safe word chosen, the following applies.

ObeyDomInBedFREE WILL DOESN’T APPLY HERE:  An important dynamic of most true Dom /sub relationships is that  the subservient is to DO what the Dominant asks of them to do.  This means the idea of free will is quite shoved to the side.  There are exceptions where a Dominant may give the subservient situations where they are allowed to exercise their own wants, needs and desires.  Overall, however, the subservient is there obey the Dominant’s wishes.  For a true subservient, this ideal is quite stimulating.

JUST DO IT:  You may be asking yourself, why do I need an article on “how” to obey a Dominant?  Do I not just do what I am told?  Well, yes, this is true.  However, for most people there is not this automatic surrendering of free will – or the desire to implement your own desires and wishes.  Instead, our natural, humanistic response is to maintain a bit of personal control.  Even those submissives who are very well trained will still have that desire.  It is part of the thrill!  If you were a mindless zombie who never questioned anything, would there be as much satisfaction in obtaining that control?  No, of course not!  This is why many submissives are truly strong persons.

To answer HOW you submit to or obey your Dom is not as simple as “you just do”. Our natural instinct is not to blindly obey.  Add in the sexual context and it most definitely is not to naturally do what someone else asks us to do.

Misconceptions About BDSM

Trust:  Obeying a Dominant requires tremendous trust so the first step, obviously, is to trust that Dominant.  Trust builds in a Dom/sub relationship slowly.  Certain sexual acts or other experiences where the submissive’s trust (and Dom’s trust) is tested will have to happen.  No one meets someone and trusts them completely right away.  As trust builds, so will the ability to do what is asked, unquestioningly.

Practice Makes Perfect:  The more experiences you have with your Dominant, the easier it will be to obey.  As the two of you experience different scenarios and situations where your allegiance is tested and the word of the Dominant is also tested – you will begin to learn from these experiences that you can obey without fear.  When the Dominant suggests a certain experience, calms the fears of the submissive and things go as described, trust will build and the experiences will be less scary.  Practice makes perfect.

Fighting Boundaries: We all have those personal boundaries that are challenged in a Dom / sub situation. In order to obey, we have to fight against them.  Making sensical choices of what to do or not to do takes time.  Eventually, when all the other aspects are in place, you should be able to unquestionably respect the Dominant’s commands and do whatever is asked.  This takes time, though, and it should be noted that there may be times when the fight to resist does come back.

Respect and Love:  Eventually, in time, the submissive will acquire a deep sense of respect and love for the Dominant (and, conversely, the Dominant for the submissive).  In this dichotomy of love and respect the idea of obeying commands or requests becomes quite secondary nature.  It will become something that is rarely fought against. It isdone with a sincere appreciation for the relationship and brings great pleasure to all the parties involved.

BRAT OR NOT:  In the realm of submissives there is a term called “Brat.”  A Brat is a submissive who deliberately disobeys their Dominant in order to (a) assert a false sense of control or (b) get punished for not obeying the Dominant.  Punishment / reward is often a big part of a Dom / sub dynamic. Punishment for many submissives, is a fun part of the game.  Punishments are varied but can include:  spanking, orgasm denial, sex withholding, forced oral sex.  This is a person choice to take a brat stance with the Dom.